“I Love You” is Still Hard to Say

But I’m getting there more and more

Photo by Christiana Rivers on Unsplash

Anyone who knows me is going to read that title and laugh. They probably already have. Why? Because I say “I love you” all the gosh darn time. I tell my friends, I tell my parents, I tell my brothers. I say it about a hundred times a day to my daughter, and I disgust virtually everyone with all the ways I say it to my partner.

But here’s what I don’t share with them…

I sometimes struggle to say it to anyone at all.

It’s not because it isn’t true — of course it is. I love these people deeply and they all know I do.

Why, then, do I have such difficulty with this simple (daily) phrase?

It’s like breathing to say it to my child. It’s simply habit to say it at the end of a phone call with my mother. A stenographer of my life would type it thousands of times throughout all kinds of conversations.

And I have no struggle at all with physical displays of affection — I hug and kiss everyone I meet.

But I still stutter on the words “I love you” when I say it to anyone I’ve known for less than ten years.

Growing up in an Army family meant that attachments to new friends and classmates and Girl Scouts and youth group members and soccer…