Church Dread & Reclaiming My Faith

A formerly lapsed Catholic’s struggle with identity and religion

Photo by twinsfisch on Unsplash

I can almost pinpoint the moment I decided that church was no longer for me.

I was sixteen and sitting at a table in the same room where our girls’ youth group met every Monday evening.

And I was listening to a visiting priest explain why homosexual behavior was sinful.

Not homosexual feelings, mind you — God forgives for those and he was very clear about that. Behavior.

I didn’t speak up. I wish I had. I really wish I had…

But I was entirely at a loss for words.

Remember, I was sixteen, and to this day, I’m still amazed that I had not heard much of any anti-gay rhetoric before this. I truly don’t think I’d ever sat in church during a homily and listened to a priest tell me same sex romance was evil.

So when I sat in that room with my youth group and it hit me for the very first time that perhaps Catholicism was not as all accepting and all loving as I’d believed it was…

I checked out.

Why in the world should I think that an expression of love would be wrong?